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It's just a little anxiety

about me anxiety works in progress

Oyster shells in progress

I feel like I'm apologizing a lot lately to myself.  I often get panic attacks for not getting things done on a list that I gave myself.  I try really hard to remind myself that things happen and I might not get things done.  But that logic part of my brain just gets shut out by the anxiety-ridden other 90% of my brain.  My husband reminds me constantly that I'm working my butt off (bless my cheerleading man), but it still doesn't feel like enough, ya know?  I know I'm not Wonder Woman, right?  RIGHT?

Oh, we are our own worst critics.

But then, yesterday, I did a thing.  I'd been telling myself that sitting at my desk was fruitless... it's a wreck.  I don't have enough room.  I like to watch DnD podcasts like Critical Role or Dimension 20, or binge shows, so the living room with the big screen is the right choice.  But like I said, yesterday, I did a thing.

I sat at my desk.  And I worked.  And I was productive!  I made over two dozen pars of earrings, eight sets of stitch markers, added resin to another large set of shells, started my shell/ocean line... and yet, after putting in that twelve hour day, I went to bed thinking "I could have done more."  I need to update my online inventory!  AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Breathe deep.  Inhale.  Exhale.  You got this.

So this morning, I'm reminding myself of how much I got done.  I got out my journal with my to-do lists and am putting everything down - my yoga practice, this blog post, ordering additional business cards, updating my inventory lists for the galleries, even my massage - to remind me that I'm getting things done.  On days like today, I have to remember that I am my own worst critic.  Even though I was THRILLED with the results of my oyster shell work, I woke up thinking "I have to deliver my stuff to the new gallery tomorrow!  Will I get it all done???"

And the answer is yes.  I'll panic, I'll make lists, but I'll get it done.  I've always been a finish the paper the night before it's due person.  And I usually aced it.  So, I'll drink my coffee, take some deep breaths, and tick my check boxes off.  Because deep down, I know I'm getting it done.  

Breathe deep.  Inhale.  Exhale.  You got this.



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