I feel like I'm apologizing a lot lately to myself. I often get panic attacks for not getting things done on a list that I gave myself. I try really hard to remind myself that things happen and I might not get things done. But that logic part of my brain just gets shut out by the anxiety-ridden other 90% of my brain. My husband reminds me constantly that I'm working my butt off (bless my cheerleading man), but it still doesn't feel like enough, ya know? I know I'm not Wonder Woman, right? RIGHT?
Oh, we are our own worst critics.
But then, yesterday, I did a thing. I'd been telling myself that sitting at my desk was fruitless... it's a wreck. I don't have enough room. I like to watch DnD podcasts like Critical Role or Dimension 20, or binge shows, so the living room with the big screen is the right choice. But like I said, yesterday, I did a thing.
I sat at my desk. And I worked. And I was productive! I made over two dozen pars of earrings, eight sets of stitch markers, added resin to another large set of shells, started my shell/ocean line... and yet, after putting in that twelve hour day, I went to bed thinking "I could have done more." I need to update my online inventory! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Breathe deep. Inhale. Exhale. You got this.
So this morning, I'm reminding myself of how much I got done. I got out my journal with my to-do lists and am putting everything down - my yoga practice, this blog post, ordering additional business cards, updating my inventory lists for the galleries, even my massage - to remind me that I'm getting things done. On days like today, I have to remember that I am my own worst critic. Even though I was THRILLED with the results of my oyster shell work, I woke up thinking "I have to deliver my stuff to the new gallery tomorrow! Will I get it all done???"
And the answer is yes. I'll panic, I'll make lists, but I'll get it done. I've always been a finish the paper the night before it's due person. And I usually aced it. So, I'll drink my coffee, take some deep breaths, and tick my check boxes off. Because deep down, I know I'm getting it done.
Breathe deep. Inhale. Exhale. You got this.