This is hard, y'all.
I've been trained all of my life to "suck it up." My husband, bestie and I have talked a lot recently about the ramifications of growing up Gen X. We were latch key kids. We went home and fended for ourselves and/or took care of our younger siblings. College was expected of us. We went and majored in "whatever makes you happy." We graduated with debt, couldn't find jobs in our "happy" fields, and then ended up working in jobs to make ends meet. All while putting on a brave face.
We're called the forgotten generation. When the news talks about different age groups, you see Boomers, Millennials, and Gen Z. Where'd we go? Nowhere. We're right here, slugging away, angry at the world but still trying to smile through it all.
I'm not trying to say we have it harder than others. But pretending to be okay is tiring. I'm headed back to therapy. I've got my happy pills, I've got my outlet of art, but good lort, this is hard. People say "oh it must be so nice to work from home" and "you can make your own hours." But let me tell ya, if we're not working, not only are we not making things to sell, but the guilt is there:
- I should be working.
- I should be creating.
- I should be entering shows.
- I'm not contributing to the household.
- Do I need to get a part-time job?
- Does my s.o. resent the fact that I'm not bringing in income?
- Am I going to say or create something that will drive my customers away?
Yeah... I'm working on all that. I know I'm working. I put in probably 60 hours a week, but I'm trying to remind myself that breaks are ok. I researched galleries today and worked a bit on my online portfolio. The husband reassures me that we're ok, and he wants me to pursue my dream. And that last one, well, I gotta be me. That painting up there - that's probably the first in a series of paintings focused on depression. I like nerdy things. I have a weird sense of humor. And, if you've met me in person, you know I'm an unapologetic tree-hugging, bisexual, reproductive-rights, BLM-movement supporting liberal all wrapped up in an anxiety-laden INFP shell.
And I'm ok with that.
Well, trying to be ok, but let's end on a positive note. Right?